Thursday, May 7, 2009

stay here in this sleep forever.

i close my eyes and i can see it all over again, the things that carry on inside my head, they appear so real to me. i lifted my head from your chest, my fingers tucked safely in the nape of your neck, tapping to the sound of your beat. one one two, one one two, one one two. i couldn't see anything besides you. i couldn't hear anything besides you, and we layed there and you wrapped yourself around me, sending me this sense of security, and i knew that even when i woke up, everything was going to be alright. but i didn't wake up, i kept my eyes closed as tight as i could. i didn't want to wake from this. i fell back asleep and i went back to laying next to you, curled up next to you, saturated in you, in your smell, in your taste, in everything you were composed of, i found you. all of this was in my head, but i knew in my heart, it would lead me straight to reality, from inside here, inside my head i am safe. i am beautiful, and when i see what i see when i sleep, when my eyes are open to the world that walks before me. when i wake, i find myself telling myself over and over again, i'll never need another, and i've never meant that more. i don't scream, i don't kick, i don't cry, nothing hurts anymore. you've taken all of the bad away from me, washed all of the dirt from my hands. purity. serinity. i have finally found my heart. i can finally breathe again knowing what i have ahead of me, from this day out, from this minute, down to the very last second, i know what i want. i know what i have and could have until the day the burn my body and throw it in the ocean with the rest, i know what is in my heart, what is in my head, the words i hold deep down inside, tucked safely inside my voice box, i know what sets me free. i know what holds me here, in these state lines, when months ago, i'd give the world to aboard a plane with a one way ticket and never come back here again. i think of the last time i told someone these kinds of things, and i think of how much i thought i meant them, and now i know, i've never meant them more, you have all of me, i want to breathe in what you breathe out, become apart of you, of your everyday, and at the chance that you'd let me, stay here in this sleep forever, stay here, forever with you, next to you. it's on you, i'm never turning my back to this, you will never see me walk away.

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