Sunday, May 10, 2009

my pores will seep purity

so everybody will ask what became of you, and i'll sit back and ask myself what have i become? and come tomorrow when the world looks me in the eyes, when i set myself free, standing parallel with my heart beating inside your chest, with a look towards the sky, i'll dare you to identify the monster in me, and you'll draw up blank, just like the hundred who've tried before. i look at the world outside my window, the world below my feet and i watch and i listen to it scream, and so it screams, this place wants me to hate. this place wants me to clench up my tiny fist and start swinging all over again, but i step back and i refuse. my thoughts, they don't scatter, and when i send them away to explore the grey parts, they stay, and i'm alright with that. i'm comfortable with them here, because for the first time in a long time, they are far from filth filled. they are pure and spilling over with more freedom and happiness than my tiny body frame can try to sustain, i try and i fail the first time, but i stand to my feet and i succeed the second. this time last year, i was running into the arms of hate, with my chest cut wide open ready to be engulfed, filling every vein with dirt. every vein with something stronger than love, when alone, when you spend your entire life hating, alone. hate. something you can't out do, or over come, or hide. i hated, and i was hated. everything i saw, i wanted gone, or dead. i swung swing after swing with out a desperate care in the world. i was not apathetic, because i despised apathy, and those who carried it on their backs, painted on their faces. i saw nothing. everything translucent. hearts beating hollow and words falling short. i was invisible and i was invincible, and colliding with a heart filled with just as much meant twice the trouble, and here i sit. the day before, ready for the first day of my life. ready to take in every aspect of another, and learn another, and to learn how to love another all over again, set aside from any type of love or affection i have experienced before tomorrow, which is today, and so tonight i sit here. and i think, of how my stomachs going to turn and tie knots and seal off the blood flow, and not let any of my fears or hate escape through my voice box. i'll watch for the reflection in your eyes as everything bad leaves my heart, my mind, my body, with your fingers pulling down my face, my pores will seep purity and my smile will shine with the sun, and i'll throw my arms around you, and know that because of you, i finally know who i am. tomorrow, i'll finally know who i am.

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