Sunday, February 8, 2009

hospital, encrypted.

This is a true story.

I Love you.


" I searched for the greatest glory this earth could give me, until I came across this beautiful rock. I climbed this mountain with my bare hands, from base to summit. Up and up I trekked until I became the tallest thing as far as the eye could see, i could feel the entire planet beneath my feet, beneath me. I stripped down until there was nothing left of me, but me. I stripped myself of the tools made by people I'll never meet, I cast aside all of the little commodities the common man takes for granted in the strides of modern life, insignificant to even the lowest members of society. I then removed my own insides; my feelings and emotions, the security I had found in others, my love and hate alike. I threw them into the unfaltering wind which so easily picked them up and carried them away from me, out of sight... as if watching the balloon, let go by the curious child who instantly regrets her own innocently thoughtless decision, crying for it to come back but daddy can't jump high enough, its too far gone. I was no innocent child, I hadn't been for many years. It was so sickeningly amusing how the wind could carry these things that we as humans, the only beings capable of truly understanding them, struggle with our entire lives. I remember looking down the sides of the mountain while the shadows of clouds drifting across them. They seemed just as inviting as any cloud, and I realized then that the sky was also beneath my feet. Eye level with clouds, I looked up to find nothing directly above me but blue space. I had found the pedestal which before that very instant I had never even realized I was looking for. There it was in the misty distance, just past the horizon where the ground merged into space, where the sky met the earth. I called for it, I demanded it to come and face me, and it did. I looking directly in front of me, and it appeared; a blurred concoction of air, shadows and wind with the solids beneath it. I was staring into the face of god, it was staring back. Eye to eye, we waited. Without so much as a whisper or even a thought we conversed about my existence, or lack there of. I stood my ground, I held my claim to my mountain. I let it collect my makings from the winds and siphon them before releasing them back into non-existence. It had nothing to say to me, as I knew it wouldn't. Only an ever-so-faint reflection of simultaneous disappointment and bewilderment upon its face was given to me. After passing its judgments, I said to this god, being unafraid: "I found you god. I stumbled upon you wondering out here amongst the mountains, I caught you with my bear hands and now I'm staring at you, straight into your indistinguishable eyes with nothing other than myself and still I have managed to become on your level. I have sat and listened to the lies that people spread in your name, and here you are aimlessly drifting with not a concern. But now I'm here, and now you will be concerned, with nothing other than me. You and I both have drifting long enough, oh great deceiver. The divide of good and evil does not exist, you are both. You are neither. So how is it that I managed to arrive here, omnipotent one? Tell me, how is it that I am here the same as you with all things and everything beneath me? Today is not your day, god. Today is my day, this place is my place. This world is our world, not yours. If it ever was, it is no longer. You do not exist because I say you do not exist, and now you will fade back into the same oblivion that the imaginations of a desperate humanity made you from." ...and on that day, I was god. It faded away back over the horizon. It reminded me of a small wave being sucked back and dispersing into the endless ocean, mixing and congealing with the waters and knowing that the exact same wave will never happen again while the sand feels like its being sucked from underneath my feet. I let it sink in, I let the sun begin to set. I gathered and reequipped my commodities and ascended this mountain. I changed that day, I had proven my point. I had found my paradise, where I could feel far away from society and its scum inhabitants but still know they are below me somewhere, somewhere far off from this mountain range. I let my love go to the wind, I let the mountains have it. Away from these hills I felt empty, meaningless. It was something I had to do, but at a cost. It took me several months to find and piece back together those insides I tossed off the side of this mountain, but I did, and I did just so I could give them back away. I gave them to someone more deserving than I. I gave them away to someone that can feel the way I feel, which is something I can truly believe in. The mountains may always be my citadel, but what does anything amount to if not all of me is present? She has a part of me. She has all of me. She has all of my love, without her I can't see or interpret beauty, she makes everything beautiful. She is beautiful, she is beauty. She is love, happiness, security, my only beacon of hope, my everything. She is my hospital, and I am never letting go."


- Elijah Ackerman.


1 comment:

Eli said...

bullshit, it was all true. and you know it.