you tell me that you see everything.

i close my eyes and i try to sleep, i want to sleep so i sleep. i can see you standing over there, i can't see your face, but i know you can feel me approaching, i know you know i'm here. i just have just one question for you, my love. you see everything? do you see me fighting? DO YOU SEE ME FIGHTING? struggling, do you see me living everyday, SURVIVING? just to hold on too every part of the girl i once was? fighting back as this sleep tries to dawn on me when the sun leaves the sky? do you see me watching just as you are? TRUTH NEVER SLEEPS, does it? do you see me loving? you only see what i want you to see. i let you see things, so i can locate you. so i can find you. you fade into this world and you hide so well from me. you bury yourself, you bury the parts of me you still carry everywhere. you can't hide them from everyone, they can all still see it. and i can still pull you out of hiding when i wish. when i need you to resurface. we pull and push and pull and push some more. that's all we ever do. witty words to one another that only we know the meaning of. i try to decipher your happiness with out me, and i draw up so blank. i know what happy looks like, and it's not her. not in your eyes. you can pretend, you can hide, you can be a coward if you wish, but no one will ever love you like i have, no one will ever know you like i do. and i do, i know you all way too well. you can't hide forever, ho my sweet darlin' i'll be seeing you.

and then i woke up, and it was gone again, just like it always is.
these words repeat in my head day in and day out.

what is to become of this, and more importantly what is to become of myself?