it's 8:42pm

8:42 pm, where has the sun gone?

i look outside hoping to still find the sun trying its damnedest to push all hundred of it's little infinite fingers down from the sky, reaching through the clouds and settling down on my bare well crafted shoulders. hoping to get a few last kisses in, before it went back into hiding just like it does every night, just as the night before this one and so on and so on, and sometimes in this same situation except it's vise versa, saying goodbye to the moon and hello as i watch the sun creep up over the trees, crawling across the calm water.

untouched.

but not tonight, tonight i'm saying goodbye to the sun, and hello to the dark that i find myself, even when afraid of- so abundant with fear, i still- wandering into, more often lately than usual.

i sit on the steps of my deck, and take in my dose of nicotine, it calms my breathing.

everything is now dark and the only thing illuminating me is the light that i can so easily control with a little switch, attached at the top of the wall to my left. i watch millions of wings swarm the light, looking for warmth as the cold sets in for the night, winter is approaching, and even though the days are scorching, the nights are growing cooler, and i like it.

i stand to my feet and open the door, reach in with my right hand and push down on the switch, as if instead of me turning the porch light off, i was turning the star lights on.

i turned around and faced the sky, and watched as thousands of lights became clearer to my eyes. i watched them cover every bit of the dark speckled sky that my eyes could see, they spread so quickly. and i just stood there in complete bewilderment.

tonight i controlled the stars. tonight the stars were mine. and since they are now mine, i want to give them all to you.

i wonder if there are just as many stars there, as there are here?
i wonder where you are, what you are doing, what your beautiful eyes are seeing, what that mind of yours is thinking?

where are you? i almost wish you could come to me.
where are you heart? can you hear me?