Monday, June 8, 2009

keep trying, keep falling, keep failing.

never will you stand on my level, on this soil. never will any of you see what i see. never will any of you understand the ground under my feet, walk with out sinking, as i do. every step i take, i'm just getting closer. "you're getting colder" and "you're getting warmer" you keep repeating. fuck you. "i know where i'm going, you don't even know what i'm looking for, you sassy bastards don't even know what i'm searching for." "erica where is your happiness, where has it all gone?" "what are you even talking about?" "you're so well at hiding, but i can see you." "i know. i let you see me." "i don't understand, all this anger, all this hate" "i know...that's how it has to be" "no it's not." "YES IT IS! IT IS, CAN'T YOU SEE, DON'T YOU SEE IT? DON'T YOU FUCKING SEE IT? MY FIST ARE CLENCHED, THEY ARE RED AND THEY ARE CLENCHED SO TIGHT, AND I CAN'T OPEN THEM, I CAN'T FUCKING OPEN THEM. I CAN'T LET IT GO. I CAN'T. I CAN'T I CAN'T. I CAN'T BREATHE. I HATE EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. POUR A GLASS AND DRINK IT DOWN. THIS WORLD FUCKING DISGUST ME. i was born this way and i'll die this way, you won't figure it out, none of you ever will, because right before you surface and have a slight slight clue, it shifts, and right when you think you've figured out "enough", enough grows, invisible, clever trick, blend in, get out. free yourself. SURVIVAL at its finest. fuck off, you are sick. you need help, peace easy, ciao, goodbye sweet sweet carolina."

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