i can feel the light fading, as i inch myself back down into the same hole i spent so many years of my life in. i'm watching the world pass me by from inside of here, and it all looks exactly the same. who are we to say what makes us happy? when in the middle of all that's happening, we simply lose ourselves up in our own heads and we can't find an escape route back out to the sun, or the stars, pending on the time.
i'm rambling for once and that's alright.
i want to be happy.
i want to be happy alive and free.
i don't want anymore weight on my shoulders.
i don't want to carry around all of the bad anymore.
i don't want to see myself up against a wall with my fist clenched trying,
struggling to find a reason to open them, ever so softly.
i fail and i find nothing, so i keep them closed-
just like yesterday and all the days before then,
and it'll be the same tomorrow, and the following.
i'm solitaire
and stuck
and confused
and i feel so god damn hopeless.
lost.
fucking hopeless.
walking, not even running,
but walking in circles.
i want out of this rabbit hole.
i want to feel the sun light.
i want to watch the world spin,
standing on my feet.
i need to keep my head up.
i need to be free.
(click the photo stream above for myspace) hi. i'm erica jean holmes, twenty-one years young, and as hell bound as they come. i am only half the mess you think i am. i am only half the mess you take me for. i hardly sleep at night. my tiny hands and feet take turns, always being cold. composed "souly" of words, comma splices, metaphors, and run on sentences. flawed. grammatically incorrect, and i like it that way. nothing about me is anywhere near perfect and it's appealing. i'm alive again, my heart is whole again, and i'm going to be alright. i'm a very small person in a very big world, and that's okay, because i was born to word it well.
1 comment:
I almost know exactly how you feel. when did happiness, feeling alive, and feeling free become feelings/states of mind that now seem so hard to obtain?
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