why do you always leave when i wake up?

sometimes, but only sometimes i wake up like i did this morning and it felt like i was still sleeping. it took me a few minutes to realize i was awake, and then you faded back into my memory and i stood up with a smile. i stood up with a smile knowing that today, i was going to be alright. i would be okay. just like every morning, i gathered myself and carried all of my mess, my heart, my thoughts, and my tiny whispers that no one ever hears to the kitchen to put on some coffee. i stopped before filling the filter more than i should with grounds, and i smiled to myself and pushed my hair to the side. you had faded back and i was alone again. i can hear some sort of music coming from the office and my first instinct was to spin around in my kitchen, so i did.

i just kept on spinning.
i'm ready for it to get warm out, so i can spin around like i used too.