let these words be my only weapons.

i think of everything i have ever encountered in my life. i sit down and i begin to reevaluate my life as a whole. the things i find appealing to my eyes, my heart, my mind, my hands, my feet, to my head. i let my fingers try and erase the pain from my life and the pain my heart seems to still find a way to endure, but as usual, i fail time and time again. i begin to make things fade. everyday they fade. you fade, then i fade, and we fade together. i lay on the couch with my hands over my breast and i study the beat of my heart pulsing through me. i close my eyes and i study the faces of everyone i have loved, their lips, where i used to rest mine in the middle of the night, rolling over to find you shaking, because i seem to always hog the blanket. their eyes, where i used to lose myself, like a child lost at sea. what a wonderful escape you used to be. i study all of their faces. when only to realize all that i have loved, i have loved alone, and when that all unwinds and untangles, i'm still alone, loving. alone loving everything. for the first time in my life, i'm almost okay with that. i shake at the sound of your name. my hands, my heart, my head. yes, you are the only face i studied tonight.